In Which James and Sirius Attempt to Thwart Death
by Eleckticity
Summary: The first in The Adventures of James and Sirius, the thrilling series of their afterdeath exploits and explorations.


Only one couple were still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light. He was laughing at her. "Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.

The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.

The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock. . . . It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backward through the ragged veil hanging from the arch...

And Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once-handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though in a high wind and then fell back in place...Sirius had only just fallen through the archway, he would reappear from the other side any second...

But Sirius did not reappear (_OotP_, 805-806).

* * *

"**We could be undead, James! Not alive...but not dead...undead! Get it, get it?"**

"And how do you plan to pull that off? Seeing as we're already dead...as in not alive. But still dead."

"**How can you call yourself a Marauder? Hang your head in shame!"**

"I wouldn't even if I had one."

"_BOYS! Stop bickering. Sirius, how can you act so cheerful? You've been dead for half an hour!"_

"**You're point being...?"**

"_..."_

"**Besides, we'll...undead...soon."**

"Oh, BRILLIANT idea, genius. But I'll have you know, Lily and I have been dead for fifteen years and we haven't found away to...undeadify ourselves. What makes you think you can with your half an hour?"

"**Don't you people care about what Harry's going through? He just saw me DIE!"**

"_Of course we do! How DID you die anyway?"_

"**Well, you see, I was in the...the...Department of Mysteries, yeah? That place with all the funny revolving doors.** **I was saving your son, see? From Death Eaters. FIFTY of them! They surrounded me, wands drawn to attack. I was dodging curses left and right, taking them down one by one..."**

"_Sirius, what really happened? _

"Did you hurt yourself cooking again? You can tell me."

"**NO! You ungrateful prat. SHE got me."**

"She? Your...mother?"

"**NO! Bellatrix! Shot a stunner straight at me."**

"You died from a stunner? ...That has got to be the world's most pathetic death."

"**Well...you remember how I said we were in the Department of Mysteries? So, I...uh...tripped and, um, fell into the Veil."**

"You tripped."

"**Yes, um…tripped, exactly**."

"You bloody well died because you weren't watching where you were going?! At least I died protecting my wife and son! Were you just not paying attention or something?"

"_James! Your best friend just died and all you can think about is how pathetic his death was!"_

"Well…yes…"

"_Isn't there something you want to say?"_

"Um…I love you?"

"_Mm-HM. Bloody right you do. But that's not what I meant."_

"...WELL?"

"**You're SUPPOSED to apologize to me!"**

"_Exactly."_

"But I didn't do anything!"

"_Really. Is that so."_

"Yes. Er. Yes. That is so."

"_Are you sure?"_

"Um…"

"**HAR, HAR, HAR! Your WIFE is siding with ME! I win, you lose!"**

"WHAT?! NO! Traitor!"

"**YES! HA!"**

"_PLEASE (you don't really need to act like this) James. It can't be that hard to apologize to a best friend that you haven't seen for 14 years!_

"... I'm glaring at you. But fine. Sirius! My everything-but-blood brother! How can you ever forgive me? I was HORRIBLE and CRUEL to you, and I sincerely..."

"**Alright, Alright already! I get the point. I'll forgive you... IF you help me- escape! Think of it this way, Prongs. The greatest prank EVER. We outwit Death himself!!"**

"Because that's gonna happen…"

"**It will! And it will be BRILLIANT! We will reappear from The Beyond."**

"I think the shock is getting to him, honey. Maybe we should let him have some time to come to terms with his death."

"Yes, I quite agree. It probably hasn't sunk in yet. You know how it is with those mentally unstable people who refuse to see reality just because they can't accept a world that does not revolve around them."

"He just needs time. You remember that time when he discovered that most of the Gryffindor girls had better hair then him? It took him weeks to get over it. It'll take years for him to realize he's even dead in the first place."

"Well, he has eternity (snicker). Though that's probably not enough time to get it through his thick skull."

"**I'm RIGHT HERE, you know!"**

"Oh, we know. We know."

"_Unfortunately." _

"**HEY!"**

"_Really, Sirius, we're glad to see you-"_

"Not really, 'cause that means you're actually DEAD-"

"_-My POINT BEING: We're happy we can see you for the first time in so long, but your idea of 'escaping Death'... It's just not REASONABLE."_

"**Why not?"**

"Well, have you ever HEARD of anyone coming back from the dead?"

"**Actually, there was this Muggle fellow years and years ago. Jizus something or the other...Claimed he rose from the dead after three days. Personally, he sounds like a nutter to me... But WE'D be able to do it!"**

_He was the son of God! Didn't you take Muggle Studies?_

**God named his child Jizus? How unfortunate. Of all the names in the whole wide world, God chose JIZUS?**

_It's pronounced Jesus, you prat, and the point is—_

**James! She's insulting me! Control your wife!**

Um…Lily, you shouldn't, um…

_Shut it! And don't try to change the subject._

Um…I'm sorry

**Coughwhippedcough**

Mumble mumble yes I know mumble mumble

**Stand up for yourself! We're MEN! M-E-N, MEN! And we cower before no one!**

Mumble mumble Lily glare mumble mumble

**Well, yes, I suppose, but that's no excuse! We're M-E-oh, bloody hell she's doing it to me too. **

_Stop hiding him, James!_

Mumble, mumble sorry mumble mumble.

**Traitor!**

_Don't listen to him. And my point was, Jesus is the son of God. He has special powers like walking on water and turning stones into bread and so forth. _

**Pshhh! Third year transfiguration at best.**

I can do that.

**Hey, you're talking again!**

_No, but Jesus is the Messiah, the Saviour._

**Oh.**

_Yes._

**I think I get it.**

_Okay, good_.

**This Jesus guy was special because he could turn rocks into pudding and stuff, right?**

I can do that.

_Well, essentially, but there's a lot more—_

**So does that make Prongs a messiah?**

_NO!_

But I would be... If I came back from the dead!

**Let's give the boy a round of applause folks! He's seen the light!**

WE CAN DO IT!

**YEAH!**

_... ... .Yes, well, I'm sorry to be breaking up this manly hug of camaraderie, but... JAMES! HAVE YOULOST YOUR MIND?!?!?_

**Now see here, Lily...**

_AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON _YOU,_ SIRIUS! YOU'RE A BAD INFLUENCE ON MY HUSBAND. HE HASN'T HAD A REBELLIOUS THOUGHT IN 15 YEARS, AND THEN YOU SHOW UP AND HE REVERTS BACK TO HIS _ _PAST_ _CONDUCT.THIS IS POTENTIALLY VERY DANGEROUS!!!_

**We're already DEAD! How can it be dangerous??**

... You're hot when you're angry... Have I ever told you that?

**ME?**

Yes... NO, you PRAT! Lily is!

_Why, thank you._

**Amazing... you can SEE the anger disappearing out of her face... JAMES! TEACH ME YOUR WAYS! SO THAT I MAY RETURN TO THE WORLD A MAN WHO IS MORE UNDERSTANDING OF WOMANKIND!**

Join me and thou shalt see the light. Kneel at my feet, my brother, and thy shalt receive mine blessing.

_JAMES! _

She's so cute when she's angry.

You. Are. Not. The. Messiah.

But I already have an apostle.

_No, you don't!_

Yes, I do. Apostle Sirius the First. Wait, no, that sounds bad…in fact that sounds terrible. We shall have to baptize you to show you have joined a new Light.

James… 

**Baptized? What's that?**

This is not a good idea… 

It means I get to dunk you under the water and hold you there for as long as I want and then rename you whatever I want.

No, it doesn't, you prat! Besides you have to be an ordained priest to do that.

**You get to WHAT?! NO! No way in hell!**

Do you want to see the Light and gain the Holy Wisdom of Womankind? That only I can impart?

…**.yes….do we even have any water here? **

(pregnant pause)

Well, I can spit into a bucket and then we can shove your head in it.

Oh Merlin, there's a pond over there.

**Why thank you, Lily. . . I'm hungry. Do you have any cake?**

_How can you be hungry? You're DEAD!_

**Oh... Right. Damn.**

WAHAHAHA... You IDIOT! AHAhah... OW! HEY!

**Ha! Sucker! Ouch... look you!**

_Why, me? WHY ME?!?!?... __ARIGHT! ENOUGH WITH THE PUNCHING AND THE KICKING! YOU BONEHEADS BETTER GET SERIOUS OR ELSE WE'LL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!_

**I already AM Sirius.**

Aha, good one! ...HEY, did Lily just agree with our 'Escape the Veil' plan?

**Why, I'll be! I do believe that she did! Hurray!**

Let's blow this Popsicle stand!

**...Please James. Get with the times.**

Well, what do you expect...? I DIED in that time!

**That's not our times! Those were our bloody parents' time.**

No it wasn't. That line's from OUR time.

**No, it wasn't.**

Yes, it was.

**NO, it wasn't.**

YES!

**NO!**

YES!

_Hey, is that the veil over there?_

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys, hope you all enjoyed the story! This the new project I'm doing with a good friend, Aemkea. We've been writing together for awhile...it's been pretty fun. Check in for updates! And remember to review (please).

** Hello, Aemkea here! Eleckticity and I've worked on this fic for a while over email. It's been really fun! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!**


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